“No, I’ve never looked for anything. It’ll come.” —Philippine LeRoy-Beaulieu

My niece is graduating from high school this year, and as an aunt, it is a practice in letting go and trusting the amazing person that she is that she will find her way in life. If I were her parent, it would be different, as there is more direct support involved. This has been a great practice in exemplifying what is talked about here on TSLL: Living with intention, having clarity, being loving and kind while honoring our integrity in all interactions, but not clinging, controlling or manipulating. Our life is our own, and every other person has their own life journey to travel. 

Often, when a younger generation is reaching a milestone we too have passed through, we project our experience onto them, errantly making assumptions that we know what they are going through, what they will want and need. But the truth is, while the fundamentals may largely be the same, just as the fundamentals for surviving as a human being are the same for each of us – fresh air, water, sleep, food, shelter, etc., the details of how life will be lived to be fulfilling and enriching for each individual will be unique to them. 

Now, let’s flip the script and examine the journey as the journeyperson trying to figure out their path forward. How do we find ease with where we are going and how we are living? It often can be easier to tell others how to live their life than to examine whether or not we are living well our own. So the question then becomes, How do we know, without knowing, that we are heading in the best direction for our life journey?

1.There isn’t a ‘best’ direction

Let me ease your mind, and mine as well, and remind us all that there isn’t a best direction, but rather a next best decision. Once we stop looking far out into the future, we take off the pressure. Yes, we may know we want to be able to be financially independent, and we need to choose a path to reach that point (this, looking at it from the perspective of a high school graduate), but once we have that larger general aim set, how we get there can have many different paths. 

The reason for the varied paths has to do with what we need to learn in order to appreciate and live well when we arrive at our desired destination. And there are endless variables that will cross our path that either may strengthen our skillset moreso than we may have ever imagined or take us off track momentarily, but at the same time, teach us something worthwhile about ourselves. 

The key is to understand at least one thing that will bring you peace. Not many, not even three, but one. What is one piece of the foundation you know you will need to stand on in order to live a life of possibilities that will deepen your life experience?

2. Step away from all the influences of the world from time to time to assess what brings you delight, calm and piques your curiosity

Part of the reason I have never adopted the moniker ‘influencer’ is because the entire ethos of living a simply luxurious life is to think for ourselves, to know our own mind and to be able to think critically and recognize when we are being influenced. I no more want to influence readers/listeners to do something than I want to forgo ever visiting France. But if there is any influence I do offer, it is simply the skills and tools so that you know how to think for yourself and trust your inner compass, concluding with the courage to follow and stick with the direction it is pointing you.

This is why we do need to step away regularly, or limit, but not abandon (as there is much inspiration that is worthwhile) the influences of others. Whether on social media, our friend group, our family or the culture we live in, when we step away consciously to be in our own mind without their influence – asking them what we should do, what they approve of, etc. – we begin to see trends. And these are the good trends. The trends that consistently arise about what we delight in, what our curiosity gravitates towards, and what we could do for hours without noticing the time flying by. 

One of the many reasons I love traveling to France and even Britain is because I see my own culture with more objective eyes. I see how I have been influenced unconsciously, now made conscious, and I can return with more strength, knowing what is sincerely my own decision and what has been influenced due to the ways of the culture that surrounds me. 

3. Take the time to understand how the mind works

We wouldn’t get in a vehicle and drive it without understanding how to do so. Most of us likely take for granted that we do know how to drive a car, so it feels like second nature, but it isn’t. It is habituated muscle memory now to turn the key, select the correct gear and press the right pedal for gas and the left to brake. But we had to learn how to do this. Let’s take a more nuisance example: How to install a light fixture on the wall or ceiling. If we just begin to unscrew things, and poke around with our screw driver, we’re going to get electrocuted. If we do that, then we are less likely to ever want to attempt to install our own light fixtures. That bad, literally painful memory is stored in our brain, and without ‘rewiring’ our knowledge base of how to properly install a light fixture, we’re never going to do it again. That is a shame, but it is easy to do. We just need to remember to learn how to do the job correctly before we begin, and avoid unnecessary mistakes and causing ourselves harm in the process.

Life is the same way. Did you know the brain isn’t fully developed until we are in our early 30s? They used to think it was 25, but recent studies have shown this to be a miscalculation. 

“Researchers analyzed scans from more than 4,200 people from infancy to 90 years old and found several key periods of development including one from age nine to 32, which they coined the ‘adolescent’ period.” (source)

Ultimately, it is about the ongoing construction of the brain, creating new and many pathways during this period of what they called ‘adolescent’. And so, during this period, our job, now that we know how this part of the brain functions and structures, is to bolster those pathways rather than hinder them. “High-intensity aerobic exercise, learning new languages, and taking on cognitively demanding hobbies like chess can bolster your brain’s neuroplastic abilities, while things like chronic stress can hinder it.”

Even if we are beyond the age of 32, the brain is still cognitively flexible if we choose to challenge it. One of the primary focuses of TSLL, and specifically the Contentment Masterclass is to understand our own mind objectively, so that we can better understand ourselves and all our unique aspects, passions, curiosities, etc. 

4. Enjoy where you are right now without clinging to it

There is a liberating realization that is experienced along the journey of meditating regularly. Initially, we may turn to meditation to relax. Our lives feel too stressful, and we think meditation is the answer to finding relaxation. And while, as we will talk about in forthcoming Meditation sessions in the new Un Moment de Méditation in April, relaxation is felt, but it’s a byproduct rather than the purpose of why we meditate. 

When we have been regularly meditating for some time, we start to see that things tend to resolve themselves without our having to do anything. This isn’t to say we are becoming apathetic in our life, but rather that we are letting go, choosing more wisely what to engage with that is our responsibility and leaving others to tend to their responsibility. When we do this, past questions, fears and worries start to either answer themselves or become of no importance to us because we aren’t forcing the answer. We aren’t demanding that we know ‘right now’. We think that we will find peace by ‘knowing’, but ironically, we find peace by befriending uncertainty and savoring the now just as it is and who we are in this moment. 

By appreciating both this moment and ourselves, we are accepting ourselves, and this strengthens our self-trust. When we have self-trust, we trust ourselves to either seek out those who do have the information we need and are trusted in that field or choose to learn what we need to help make the best decision for our next step. If we already have that knowledge, then we trust ourselves to make the decision that is best for us, for our peace as well as way of life that allows us to stretch while being balanced with regular moments to savor. 

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As complicated as life can feel at times when we don’t have the peace within ourselves to guide us, once we align ourselves with our inner compass and trust that we are thinking for ourselves and can discern the difference to notice when others are doing the thinking for us, life actually becomes quite simple. The simplicity gives us the ability to enjoy this moment right now while trusting that tomorrow will be a day to savor as well because we know how to journey through our life and navigate and dance and delight in the unknowns. 

Take a deep breath, gather up your courage, and slow down to live the life that is uniquely yours to live. The world needs you to do this because there is something, many somethings that only you can offer once you find out all that is within you waiting to be unearthed and shared with the world. 

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY

Petit Plaisir

~Rhubarb and Lemon Tart, adapted from Raymond Blanc’s recipe (see below)

Here is the Recipe:

~Image source