“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” —Aldous Huxley

How we shift from an unwanted moment to transform it into an entirely good day exists with a conscious choice to take the right action.

So often, the only thing standing in the way of experiencing an extraordinary ordinary day is whether or not we engage with the moment mindfully.

Conscious awareness lies at the foundation, one of the many skills found there, of a life of contentment. Knowing how to accurately and with objectivity assess our thoughts and emotions, choosing whether or not to engage determines the tone of our days.

Many of us have been conditioned unhelpfully to assume that suffering is inevitable, but as the ethos of Buddhist psychology reminds us, we are the only ones who cause our own suffering. It is a choice, albeit unconscious most of the time. Often, what gets conflated with pain is the term suffering; however, the two are distinctly different in their occurrence in our lives. Yes, pain is inevitable, outside of our control; but thankfully, suffering is optional, and only results when we throw the second dart, determined by how we respond to the unfoldings of the world, our lives, and the people we share our days with.

Today, I’d like to share with you eight simple remedial choices we can make to stop self-imposed suffering almost immediately and, just as quickly, elevate the quality of our day. Let’s take a look at these ways to boost our well-being.

First, I will go ahead and present the suffering being experienced, followed by the course of action to return us to well-being.

Anxiety

Anxiety arises when we pull ourselves out of the present moment and rest either in the past or the future—a fear of what will happen or a worry that the past will repeat itself. First, assess what is in your control. Everything that is beyond your decision and involves variables outside of your being, let go. Then, do whatever is within your power to cause a constructive outcome, taking that action with thoughtful intention.

An example of tending to what I could control and what had I held on to what I couldn’t would have caused anxiety happened recently when refinancing for my car loan ran into a hiccup outside of my influence. The two banks miscommunicated, losing the pay-off check. Since I had no control over the bank’s communication with each other as I did not write nor send the check, I reached out to a loan officer I trusted, shared what had happened, repeated what they required, and left it in their hands. However, this time, I sought out a more experienced loan officer as the first one had demonstrated through our communication to have been part of the hiccup. This was not a judgment but rather choosing to take control of what I could without blame to remedy the situation that needed to be fixed.

Sometimes our anxiety results from fearing making decisions that will hurt others’ feelings, yet are in our control to make in order to bring us peace of mind. Of course, we must only deal in facts, not assumptions or let our imagination get the worst of us, but when we know with certainty, we need to choose what is best for us. When we trust ourselves to honor our needs, we can find peace in letting go of all that is out of our control.

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Overwhelm

Wisely knowing what is in our control and what isn’t eliminates more stress that we may have been unnecessarily burdening ourselves with. I share this point second, following how to alleviate anxiety, because we must be thoughtful and truthful about what is in our control. Even if we want something or someone to be in our control, we only cause pain for ourselves and others when we assume what is their responsibility and right to control.

By assuming control over anything that is outside of ourselves—beyond our thoughts, words, and actions—we cause overwhelm. To let go, again, is the nourishing decision. It doesn’t mean you don’t care; in fact, it actually expresses trust and thus love for those held precious to us. Even if they tumble, they have received an opportunity to learn, and we too in assessing how we could have provided them with better skills to be successful, if such success would have been constructive.

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Stress

“Your lack of preparation is not my emergency.”

One of the many seasoned teachers I had the opportunity to work with during my tenure as a high school teacher placed this quote above his whiteboard near the list of posted assignments. As someone who planned in detail, providing a multitude of guidance to ensure success for every student, he also let go when it came to their choice of meeting deadlines successfully.

Some of the stress we become burdened by is of our own making due to a lack of being ill-prepared, in other words, not doing our homework ahead of time to make sure we are attending to all that needs to be done in a timely manner. From doing the proper training so that our body will not be injured when we ask it to perform a strenuous challenge, training our minds and learning the skills for a significant exam, so that on the day of the evaluation, we have done all that we can to prepare, or teaching our children, students or pups skills and actions that will support their journey no matter what the situation long before said situation arrives, we avoid more stress than we may ever realize was possible to experience by taking preparation seriously and yet again, control what is in our purview.

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Lost along our life journey

The compass that leads us to clarity is our curiosity, and only we possess this tool. We just need to remember to take action and follow it. Whether we journal out our questions or what grabs our interest, or talk it out with someone who listens and cares about our journey, often, similarly to panning for gold, there amongst all of the everyday minutiae are nuggets waiting to be discovered that, when seized upon, will be the first step toward our dharma.

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Procrastination

When we set an intention, if the result we desire exists in the future at great length, to the untrained journey person, we can get stagnated by the enormity of the task we have set before ourselves.

In my own life, as I set out to write a book, the process takes over two years. I break down what needs to be done, month by month, and then focus on one step at a time. While I am working on a particular task, if I stop and look ahead to the desired finished result, it can become frustrating, for some tasks, frustrating to the point of causing doubt that we will ever arrive at where we wish to end up, but then I remind myself to stick to the individual tasks, trusting that my plan will lead me to my destination with time and continued dedicated effort.

The plan prevents procrastination, and even when the plan needs to be adjusted, as it usually will if we are fully engaged with what we are doing and giving it our best, so long as we have a plan and keep stepping forward, progress will be made.

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Overthinking

An active mind is a gift when put to constructive use. It is when we don’t know what to do with our busy thoughts that we can cause ourselves distress. Mindfulness practices, specifically meditation, provide a helpful hand in weaning us away from unconstructive trains of thought.

Similar to anxiety, overthinking pulls us out of the present moment, and one of the most enjoyable and effective ways to halt rumination (wahoo! for this combination) is to do something that engages our mind through physical activity or that requires our full mental attention. For me, gardening, yoga, a bustling farmers’ market, and a friendly game of Scrabble are all enjoyable pastimes that require my full attention. Not only do I benefit from each, but I am also immediately pulled away from overthinking. Funnily enough, by giving myself distance from what I had been deliberating too intensely, I gain perspective and eventually, come to a solution organically without forcing it to arrive.

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Unacceptance and Loneliness

The harder we try to be accepted or to prevent feeling lonely with anything outside of ourselves – changes we think will eliminate feeling this way – the more frustrated we become because we will not find lasting or deep quality connections or a fulfilling lifestyle until we have accepted and embraced who we are truly.

Self-acceptance, as was explored in this post, gives us the ‘guidebook’ of making choices and applying our courage so that the decisions we make nourish the life that brings us to life. We no longer seek out acceptance from others, but instead attract those who appreciate our sincerity of self. We do not cling, but appreciate. We find peace and necessity for rejuvenation in our own company and wisely know how much we need and revel in our chosen solitude as much as our thoughtfully chosen social time.

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Confusion

The reason for confusion stems from the inability to cultivate calm in our lives. It is when we finally figure out what will bring us calm and then take action to create this environment that clarity arrives, and confusion subsides. In this post, ideas are shared on how to create opportunities for clarity and the ‘aha’ moments we’ve been searching for to arrive.

What wonderful news to discover we hold so much of the medicine we need to nourish ourselves back to well-being.

Thank you for stopping by today and have a fantastic start to the new week. Bonne journée.

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~Explore TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass, view the detailed syllabus, watch the trailer and read student testimonials/reviews here.